OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS I HAVE LEARNED A LOT ABOUT WHO I AM, AND EVEN MORE ABOUT WHO I AM NOT.
With nearly everything I am apart of, it's like my identity wants to add it to the resume of who I am. But these things don't go hand in hand. Or at least they shouldn't.
This past year I struggled a lot with Worship team. For those of you who don't know me, I've been leading worship for as long as anyone can remember, including myself. I started at 12 years old and had participated in choirs for many years prior to that. January of my Junior year of college I went through an intense season of self-reflection and realization. I flipped out a little bit, to be honest. I worried some people, frustrated others. I quit a lot of things. And while there were many pieces of my life that played into these actions I was taking, the largest one at hand was worship team.
But how could something so good be such a challenge? Why did I feel hurt and discouraged by worshiping?
I took some time to work through it, to pull apart the pieces of it. I'm incredibly thankful for the people who surrounded me and sat with me for hours while I wrestled with all my thoughts and emotions. And it was by this time, by others allowing me to wrestle through it all, that I came to understand it was all rooted in identity. But not just identity, rather the mix up of identities.
This is my personal journey with worship team. I don't believe that it's the same for everyone, nor should it be.
I was talking with a friend a couple weeks prior to this whole freak out and quitting episode in January. She said, "Court, we find our identity in worship." and I LOVE this. I couldn't think of anything truer.
We find our identity before the King, surrendered to him, praising him. But over time, after years of leading worship things had gotten tangled. Like I said before, my identity wanted to claim was I was doing, rather than who I was. After many hours of talked and wrestling all of the thoughts out I came to a place where God cleared the air and reminded me of the truth.
I am a worshiper, not a worship leader.
Yes, I lead worship. Yes, I stand up in front of people and sing. Yes, I may set an example here and there. But that is not who I am at my core. At my core, I was created to worship, and thus I am a worshiper. But my identity should not be found in a title or role, or in the way that others view me.
THE SAME GOES FOR YOU. WHERE ARE YOU ALLOWING YOUR IDENTITY TO BE SPOKEN OR CHOSEN?
WHERE ARE YOU LETTING ACTIONS, ROLES, TITLES, OR TALENTS (EVEN GOOD THINGS) DEFINE WHO YOU ARE?
Our identity is rooted in Christ, even more so it is Christ. We are daughters and sons of the King. He has given us each passions, talents, and purposes. And as he has given me worship, I have learned that there is a line between living into that passion and purpose, and letting that talent define who I am and what I am worth.
Our identity is complex as human beings. However the core of it should be simple. When we understand that we are His first, then we can fully lean into the passions, talents, and purpose he has given us, without being hurt. Because truth is, when we lose sight of our identity, we will begin to experience hurt and confusion in places where that is not the intention.
I want to encourage each of you to examine your own life, they places where you may be hurting, the places where you feel like you are falling short. Are you allowing something other than your creator, to tell you your worth? A skill, a job, a person? It may seem daunting to pull back the lies and examine where they are rooted, but it is an incredibly powerful action that will allow you to take back control of your identity. And by regaining control, I really mean placing it back into the hands where it belongs, where it came from.
Your identity is from the Lord. Your worth, your purpose, and all that you are. Let your truth be found in him, and not in the things of this world. Even the good things! Nothing is greater than being known by your creator, and also knowing that he has found you, he has created you, and he is FOR you, just the way you are.